C-box

hahahaha , we talk like we're talking for the last time . before death , before departure . I'va always wondered if we were marely getting old or edgy . Thanks , but I'm not that good as you've give me credit for . Have you wondered , what would we have become if I stayed ?? But I've always knew that we will eventually drift apart , you see , you..belong to another circle . You love the attention , and I..well , i was never made for that circle . It will eventually be a circle of great friends . I do not have that many hearts to give . So all my friends are friends , great ones , ones that I really try to be a good friends to them . Thats how I felt home . But I know that even if we drift apart , when theres just me and you , well be back again , like we never drifted apart before .

If I scold u like i did ALOT of times before for being brainless , I guess its not going help you . But I'm really glad you got smarter . Smoking is bad . But I won't blame your bro edwin , it's true . life is short , might as well live it like there's no tommorow . But knowing you , I could see a future far ahead , and its not death . I guess everyone thought about dyin before . And it usually took alot of senses to see beyond it . 13 really caused me alot of depression , it really bind me to a chain , and tore me apart . it was agonizing . But , I had a diffrent way of dealing it infront of everyone that matter to me . There was no home , no sactuary . You see , since I was young , school was heaven to me , I was young and futile , I took my mothers love as abuse . I guess I should thank my dad for getting me out of there . I didn't regret leaving there , but I do wonder what the hell are you up to . I guess this is more healthy , for me and you . But I guess it wasn't the best . Seafield was like a place for me to patch myself up . When cat just dump me like that , she handed my brain back to me . Last year was really a challenging year . It gave me a fresh start , to think about life , it gave a reason to look forward , to make new pieces of me and sew them back together . I'm sorry I was selfish . But if you look closely , you might see my heart laying somewhere in ruang legar..

I really hope u get over here , have a fresh start and everything , it might help you as it helped me . But I guess thats where u belong . You've really grown up , I can really see that . But don't get tequila or get drunk often . Gratz , you've grown!! and I think I got more childish . Should I blame someone for it??


PS : ask whoever for mt st john black tag ahh . cuz no one my skl received it . threated them wei . maybe that would be something intresting to do...



this is the person i wanted to adress to , but since she distinctly wrote ,'original sikit la , dun copy' I shall put this. dun blame me for not putting your cute pics .

hi cs2 , chen shin , most recently donald duck

how are u ahh?? since u lk not at home this afternoon , I've decided to mail you . I was actually reading midnight sun (a book) on the net when u called . a couple of days ago . the day where I was declaring to everyone that I was busy . your call was unexpected , because I've givin up calling you throughtout the holidays . You sound down , and after putting down the phone , i went back to the comp , continue reading . I could'nt concentrate , while Edward (the character , damn freaking hot , better than your ian ) is getting to know what is love , i started wondering , are u going through another break up . with a guy I haven't met or heard before , due to my temporary absence is your life . and damn , 11 o'clock seems to far ahead .

I had alot of things to report to you , to tell you , and I want to hear your complains . I'm weird right? complain oso like to hear , but I guess it's a habit I've taken up since I met you . When I finnaly made concrite good friends , and mark my mark at seafield , I didn't know u were still there . I guess when drama takes over your life , it'll be a burden to heavy to carry . And when u thought its time to out it down , it left a mark on your shoulders and its too ugly that to hide it , you take it up again . Now , you can't put it down nor u can carry it any further . But I totaly selute you , you lasted that long . I've hardly lasted a year , and it was so heavy for me that it sunk me into depression . I was carefull to hide it , and until now , I wonder if you've realise...

I guess when it comes to life advices , you should be the pro , but I wonder if you've known this already . Life taught me this , when I was still at 13 . There are people we meet in life , people that comes and go , people that hardly left an image in you , people that step into you life and left a deep foot print on you . These are the people we fear or love , they come so unexpectedly and left without a trace . Their after effects is so hard to bear , u didn't know what to feel . These people are in a way , not meant to be forgotten , but remembered . They were sent to teach u a lesson , to help you in the future . And if you find a way to forget them , then they are not leaving their print deep enough and not doing a good job .

That single person that didn't help me in my depression but made it even worse , is our dear EX-BFF cat . She might not make you remember her that much , but she did a good job towards me . Her absurb judging in people and determination to prove perfect is impossible wrong and her pride to high its taller than her . She was willing to kick whoever , and whatever if it was affecting her goals and dream , and most importantly her pride . She was willing to do anything , and it didn't matter if that person was her best friend , to her , its just something to do to get what she wanted . I've forgiven her , how could I not?? When she left us , she took a part of me , a part that was eating me . she took my depression away . Instead of feeling worse , I felt better , VERY much better . And now when I think of her , all I could think of was our good times and how gratefull am I for her .

But in your case , I guess Jeff took the wrong part from you . You weren't as lucky as me . I wish I could help u retrive it back , but I guess its outside of my means . But I believe you'll get throught it . And if no one backs you up , you'll know that you would always have my back . If you get lost and is brainstorming the direction to go , you know I'll brain strom with you . When u want to laugh , u know I would always laugh with you . If you want to think about a good memory , I hope mine will be qualified. If you can give your all for a guy , I hope u can do the same to move on . And when u come out of it , I'm sure you'll be the tougest person alive . You know I'll always love you , and I hope you'll find the missing peace . If Jesus manage to find you back to his arms , I'm sure you'll find it soon . Welcome back to the church , I might not be that fortunate to feel the unbreakeble comfort you find , but I hope you do .

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Y-iLk1jbNpE

MOVE ON!!!

ash