ashley xoxo

2010-01-09T02:46:00.000-08:00

I'm sorry I did mention that I will try not to 'abuse' my blog by venting negative feeling about it but I had to. And I'm terribly sorry. FIRST UP!

SCREAM!!!!!!!!!!!

I seriously think I have some MAJOR issues with my sister. Seriously, my parents they didn't really gave us any specifications on growing up, they just pretty much gave us the usual like be nice. family is rock, you gotta love them because you're stuck and stuff.

well they didn't really put it that way but after 17 years that's pretty much how it got stuck in my head. Growing up with my siblings, honestly, the way I was brought up, I think there was more days where i DREAD the ending of school. It wasn't because I was mega popular or something its just that I just didn't want to go home. Since young, my siblings and I we grew up together. But that didn't mean we were super close or anything. sure, we look alike but the four of us?? We are completely different person. But it was bearable.

I guess all of it started when each of us hit puberty. My brother started to realize that the world evolves around him and if anyone wants his recognition, they have to prove it. Including my mother, then he started to not rebel but act like a complete JERK with no boundary. But I guess since young, my brother never really mean that much to me. He was always at the bottom of my 'family members i love most ' list. I guess he could've been on top if he treated me a little nicer. Anyway, as much as he's not exactly my favorite person, it still hurts to see when the computer is tearing the little good in him down.

When anyone at all yell at me, scold me, insult me, I have a pretty thick skin. I got it from where i come from, I don't put it to heart. I know it sounds cliche to those who spend majority of their time in front of E! news, but I think that's an important lesson to learn. If I had taken every little comments to heart, I swear I'm checking in a psycho ward the next thing you know.

But it's different you know, when those words come from people you care about. Especially people you put your world around. I guess there was a phrase in people's life where you just want to be a better sister and brother that you start telling them things that's happening in school and make your younger sibling feel like YEAH! WOW! MY SISTER IS AWESOME!!!! When the house was smaller and I had to share a room with my sister. I think that was the best days I've ever had. She would curl up in the bed with me and she would talk about her days and I would talk about mine. We would talk about guys in our class that we had a crushes on. If there was anything bothering us we would know. We might not talk much about things that are at the core of our hearts but somehow, we understand the space . And some of the moments where you couldn't open up to anyone, I always know she was there for me to listen. There were scars in our lives that each of us knew about. Little moments where when our parents asked something, there was identical smirk on our faces that said we know something. I was always sure about what you liked and what's happening in your life.

Then I guess you grew up. For the good and the bad. The good part?? Those are the parts without me. The bad parts?? The parts with me. You didn't understand how I felt. It felt like you just left me in a freaking Savannah and you took our horse out of it. Yeah, it felt like betrayal. At first I didn't understand, I wrote you a letter about my feelings and i shove it down your door. I didn't know where it went. I wrote you a poem on a bookmark as a gift and it ended in the trash. I tried to grow up, I try to be like you. All I had in my mind then was, I need to forgive you and catch up with you. Even if I didn't understand why I had to do it, I just knew I had to. And in that process, I lost myself. You weren't there for me. Sure, we talked. But the things we talk about are meaningless. Idols, songs, movies. I wasn't looking forward talking white trash with you, I was hoping something more. But I guess those were just a memory now.

I don't know how you're mind works now, I don't know whats going on with you. I know every materiel things you like now, but that's not important right?? It matters what's on the inside right?? Thats what you taught me. But why did you have to treat me like that?? When have you started to care about everything else but me. All the things I've learn from you, all the points about you that you were proud of. They are all going down the drain. I want to shake you and ask you, but I'm afraid to know the truth. Because in honest truth I think it's just me who think that way . It's just me and not you. We don't know how to say we're sorry anymore. We don't know when to forgive anymore. We don't know when to stop fighting. I've put you at the back of my mind a long time ago, when I gave up trying. I've not cared about you anymore. But why?? Why when you yell at me I will cry?? Why when we fight, I'm the only one crying at the corner. Why do you have to mean so much to me when you don't know me anymore??

I really miss you but now, RIGHT NOW I don't think I want to see you ever again. I just wish you would be a stranger that I smile to because you've seen each other once a year in an event but none of us got the guts to say hello. I just wished you would go and let me have a peace of mind.

But you know what's even more scarier?? Knowing that you would leave if I asked you to leave.

2009-11-17T23:19:00.001-08:00

HI AGAIN

no I'm not venting anything now.

that was so 16 minutes ago.

I'm here to show you my new addiction.

UEDA TATSUYA-kun..

he's the reason why i can speak broken japanese now.

He's just so freaking cute la.

AWWWWWWWWWWW!!!

He's from the mega japanese boyband KAT-TUN.

SEE HIM??

He writes and compose his own song. He has his own concert. MOUSE PEACE. last year.

You might ask how the picture above is relevant to what I just said. But trust me. It is relevant.

He didn't act in dramas like the rest of the band did but he was in a stage play. A BIG ONE.

HE was ROMEO. he went ENGLAND. to get in touch with his role.

There are alot of rumours that he is RICH but you don't know......

BTW,

He has four golden retriever.

Owh. below is ueda vid.

his solo. love in snow.

love in snow.

support

ueda tatsuya!!!

2009-11-17T22:57:00.000-08:00

ok!!

THIS IS EXCRUCIATING!!

I am sorry that i only blog when I want to vent my feelings.

OK.

SO...

The thing I have problem with that i went blogging is this..

YES! ITS POPULAR BOOKSTORE!!

YES!! I HAVE A PROBLEM WITH IT!!

YES!! YOU HAVE A PROBLEM WITH ME HAVING A PROBLEM WITH POPULAR BOOKSTORE!!

OK.

No. Its not that I bought something cheapo that is not usable there . I have no problem with the product AT ALL!!

in fact..

I LOVE POPULAR BOOKSTORE.

ok, here's the catch.

I went in interview on MONDAY and it went well. I think i ace that interview. Then the guy told me that he will call me to confirm on WEDNESDAY which is TODAY.

It is 3.06 now, why is he not calling me!!!!!!!!!

you know, this is the first time I'm actually waiting for someone to call me. and I actually want to receive their call. I'm actually taking the phone everywhere I go.

BUT WHY ARE THEY NOT CALLING ME??!!

PLEASE!

PLEASE!!

PLEASE!!

PLEASE!!

PLEASE!!

PLEASE!!

CALL ME!!

012-3651122!!!

2009-07-28T06:01:00.000-07:00

Incase you've been under a rock... MTV World Stage is making it's debut in malaysia!!! For the first time our country is hosting something awesome. They HAVE to put an age limit...

I AM SO FREAKING PISSED OFF!!!!!!!!!!

It's not like Archie's showcase where I happen to NOT get a ticket. But this time, when I have so MANY sources, THEY HAVE TO PUT AN AGE LIMIT!!!!

And they open it up to so many other country people. Why they want to reserve for ADULTS. In case you haven't NOTICE. TEENAGERS are YOUNGER than adults , therefore MORE ENERGY to party. Okayy, then you might say, what about other country's people. Their problem lah. You giving away 4 passes right? Ask their gaurdian to come along la!!You know who's coming?? Lemme show you whose coming...

Hoobastank

Kasabian

Pixie Lott

Raygun

AND.................CAN YOU BELIEVE IT!!! ANDDDDDD

Boys Like Girls!!!

They are performing all the hit songs incuding the Great Escape and MAYBE Love Drunk.

THERES ONE LAST GREAT BAND.

THE AWESOME, INCREDIBLE...

i wanna i wanna i wanna touch you , you wanna touch me tooooo

THE ALL-AMERICAN REJECTS!!!!!!!!!

MTV WORLD STAGE!! HOW CAN YOU DO THIS TO ME??? HOW CAN YOU BE SO BIASED TOWARD TEENAGERS WHEN THEY ARE YOUR LOYAL AUDIENCE ALL THESE YEARS??

I WILL GATHER MY ALLIES AND BOYCOTT YOUR CHANNEL UNTIL YOU GET THAT AGE LIMIT DOWN!!!!!

2009-07-01T06:35:00.000-07:00

SERIOUSLY!!!!!I FEEL LIKE KILLING MY SISTER HARDCORE YOU KNOW!!!!!!!!

you know the part where i couldn't watch transformer last SUNDAY?? well, I want to make it up to my friends by getting the tickets and watch it with them on FRIDAY. well, I thought everything went well , we made a pact , I'M EVEN WALKING TO SUMMIT TOMORROW TO GET THE TICKETS. we had all the plans made, the transport and stuff then today, out of the blue , she said she don't want to sent me because it's gonna be tiring and the high way from summit is JAM.

OWH COME ON BITCH!!!!

ITS FREAKING 6 OKAY?? SIX?? WTF ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT JAM. AND ITS A FUCKIN HIGH WAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

YOU SAID YOU'RE TIRED , OKAYY! I'M CONSIDERATE AND I BAILED ON THEM LAST TIME!

BITCH! JUST BECAUSE YOU CAN'T MAKE IT DOESN'T MEAN YOU HAVE TO MAKE ME CANNOT GO!

I FOLLOWED YOU TO ALL YOUR FRIENDS LUNCH WITH YOU OKAYY?? REMEMBER TERMINATOR SALVATION, I FUNCKIN HELL HAVE NO INTENTION OF GOIN WITH YOU OKAYY?? BUT I FOLLOWED ANYWAY?? YOU KNOW WHY?? BCUZ I FIGURED YOU DESERVE THE BREAK AND I'M GONNA MAKE YOUR LIFE EASIER FOR YOU! SO I SHUT MY FUCKIN MOUTH INSTEAD OF MAKIN A SCENE AND FOLLOW YOU LIKE A PUPPY DOG. SO CAN YOU JUST SHUT YOUR SKANGKKY MOUTH AND LET ME OUT A LITTLE WHILE???

BITCH!

2009-06-28T06:57:00.000-07:00

PEEPS,

Sign the petition for archie to come to malaysia willya. It's just a few clicks not your left arm. PLEASE!!! www.archuletavenue.wordpress.com

VOTE FOR WASTE TIME CHASING CARS in youtube for mr youtube 2009. just search 'WHATTHEBUCK' its in capital, for reals. and click the video 'mr youtube' on the comment section write 'waste tim chasing cars' you can write as many as you want. to vote.

RIP MICHEAL JACKSON. I LOVE YOU

2009-06-28T06:36:00.000-07:00

OKAYY PEEPS! I have decided!

In the jonas brothers new album.

Joe Jonas slams back Taylor Swift with a song call 'much better'. Althought earlier when the single 'Paranoid' was realease, E! asked joe if one of the line is about Taylor and he said a down right NO! claiming that the song was the least persoanal in the album. But when 'much better' came out, there's no denying anymore. Here's the line from the song.

Got a rep' for breaking hearts,

I'm done with super star,

All the tears on her guitar,

I'm bitter.

Well, it used to be superstar, but now there were rumours saying he changed the 'superstar' to 'country star'. Guess when he wrote it he didn't really think his NOW girlfriend Camilia was a super star. LOL! So now, everyone was hoping Taylor would slam him back. But new's getting old and I don't think Taylor would want to get herself into it anymore, after all it's over . And it's JUST joe jonas. It's not mcdreamy or hugh jackman, why fret right? Besides she has already slam him back and gave alot of his fans a bad impression of him. And even if Nick and Miley went back together, doesn't mean Taylor have to get back with joe. I doubt if given chance she would . Cuz, if joe would dump Taylor Swift for Camilia then he just don't deserve her. I guess joe never really sat down and get to know Taylor well or else why would he dump her? Taylor is WORTH more than that right? Now, I sorta guess joe dates girl base on looks.

If both of them break up, I'm serously gonna LAUGH! In case someone need to know what joe let go, look above!

SUPPORT TAYLOR SWIFT!

2009-06-25T06:47:00.000-07:00

CAN ANYONE TELL ME WHEN IS WHITE DAY OR SOMETHING??

2009-06-25T06:26:00.000-07:00

Okay, If Santa's around, I hope he reads this, cuz if this is a chrismas pressie, its a damn right cheap one. All I need right this moment, is TRANSPORTATION!

I WANNA WATCH THIS!!

How can this happen to me! After all these time, after all the planning and frustration, and that damn gsc website have to go kaput because of this show and every single human being in Malaysia is dying to be the first to watch this movie, and just when I thought everything is PERFECT! my sis HAVE to tell me NO! my kawan can't make it so I don't want to fetch you, I AM DAMN TIRED! ALL MY DREAM, ALL MY HOPE IS GONE!!!!!!!

AND we planned a surprise to a special someone! ARGH!!!!!!!!!

I AM SOOOO SORRY LAURA JIA-JIA TAN, SORRY i had to ditch you but we shall pray that it turns around!

I am sorry chin soon yong, you had tuition and a surprise in mind and nothing is coming throught

I am sorry life, I tried making you intresting!

I had plans to go summit
to watch the sensational transformers
Megan look hotter
Shia looks buffer
But I had to give up on them'
A love a little to late
I know optimus understand
He was prime
I hope megatron forgives me'
He's coming for revenge
I would run, I would fly
But all i had
was money to watch you
I hope Monday's not too late
But please save some
And give it a shot
For my friends who couln't make it.

2009-06-21T04:43:00.000-07:00

I AM SOOOOOOOOOOOO SORRY CS2. I NEVER WISH YOU HAPPY BDAY.SO TO MAKE IT UP TO YOU.....

HAPPY BELATED BDAY!!!!

2009-05-16T22:57:00.000-07:00

I have no life..

Sorry haven't been blogging. If you people have not realize..its 2009 already. I know..I'm sorry for ignoring you ppl for such a long time. No promises though...

In case you haven't notice..

17 AGAIN IS OUT!!!!!!

I know , its like last month or something.I've already watch it. It's not aired at the malaysian screens yet!! But I've already watched it in the internet. Zac efron rocks in that movie ppl!!!

Owh yea.. David Archuleta have come and left malaysia . For people who missed it....

I love this picture!!

Now David is at manila..If you haven't heard.. his new album including the unofficial single 'Zero Gravity' which he have been singing in certain showcase only is going to be out on that new album in 3 weeks! cant wait . I'm gonna buy that album.HARDCORE!

I have no life.

Okay I've said it twice already.

Owh..for people who goes to youtube but have nothing to watch there. Check out this dude..Hes hot and talented. He makes rad videos.

His name is 'waste time chasing cars'

I'm like stalking him or something.. Don't worry mac , just kidding.

.........

ehh, chen shin you okayy anot?? just now i called you , you ignored me wei..

OKayy wish me luck on my midterm.

ps: jake in Greece. Muak! Don't say I'm cold blooded ...

2008-11-24T23:15:00.000-08:00

Since I've said I'll blog an EXTREMELY long post about some dude..I'll do it!!

OKAYY....

BEWARE....

The unbelievably indescribable ROBERT PATTISON!!!!

Well , he currently carrying the crown for the 'sexiest vampire alive' and I think a lot of people agrees with me a 100% that he deserves it more than......whatever dude that played a role as a vampire before. ^^ (no offense there)

Anyone remember Cedric Diggory??

Yea , he was the harry potter's goblet dude ...one of the four champion . see<< >YAY!!

CEDRIC DIGGORY , YOU'RE SO DAMN HOT!

I'd LOVE to trace his pictures up to the baby era , but then , it would make me look like a phyco . (SHUT UP!!) so instead , I found some REALLY young /fresh/innocent pictures of his earlier days .

ps : he still looks hot in the earlier days , flawless . :x

If you see any bad hair it properly due to his lask of experience...

anyhow , if anyone says he's not hot , they are either blind/retard ...

Now , serously in need of help here . can anyone tell me whats the difference here??

OMG , if I can't tell the difference then I must have lost all my womanly instict..SHIT!

2008-11-13T21:11:00.000-08:00

I'm going out at exactly 2 minutes and 45 seconds and amazingly , I'm ready!

While wondering will my top shows off too much skin , I've decided to get back blogging while kishu fidgets on the sofa , occasionally standing up and walking in circles .

opps, times up , he's already whining about leaving . Gosh! If this was a couple months ago , he would've waited a little while more and announced to the room , 'We have to go!' . rather than , 'ehhh . we have to go! or we'll be late....WEI!' See the difference??!!okayy , I have to go , he's going to crack up .

PS:EDWARD CULLEN IS HAWT!
PPS:Sushi anyone??

2008-11-12T20:26:00.000-08:00

Paging Mr Adam Ho Xuan/Wei Zi/Jake Doggett(Who wants his surname to be doggett anyway?? its like 'hello , Mr Doggett . ' you might as well call him Mr Doggie . at LEAST its cute...)

After not hearing a word from you for like N months , there was 2 conclusion in my head .

1: I was deleted from your list and ....

2.you're dead .>.<

But I guess you're not dead but your in the sorta 'guilt' mode. But you know what?? I don't know what to belive when it comes to you anymore so I'm sorry to say , I'm not pissed.

When Des came blasting off my laptop's speaker this morning , I froze. Evrything I suspected since the time you told me Ho Xuan was not your name , came true . But with des freaking out , I think her freaking -out tottaly un-freeze me , so there! (thx , des)

Come to think of it , I'm congratulating myself for not saying 'yes' when you ask me *** . Bacause , if I did then I've just dated someone whose a KID . and thats .....EWWWWWWW! But , all those thing you did was sweet! No other guys did that for me . AND , I'm saying this in a ......kawan sorta way . (thats friends in malay)

now that I think back , if all you say was true . Then , the past would be.........I don't want to say it . OMG , I'M CRAZY!!! now , I sorta wish you didn't tell me the thruth .

Okayy , I sorta wish and don't wish . ==ignore me . But american guy or not , I still wish you could tell us face to face , or chatbox to chat box. And I wish you din't lie .

THERE , I SAID IT ALL . and btw , you tottally have to tame des down . and I'm gonna throw this at the back of my head , cuz twilight is coming to town!

GOODBYE , BASTARD . I THOUGHT ADAM WAS CUTE AT ONE TIME ! NOW , I'M GONNA THROW MYSELF AT EDWARD CULLEN OF MAYBE KISHU WOULD DO THE JOB...

2008-11-03T01:11:00.000-08:00

Its after PMR and my life has only one word . BORING!!!1

Now I don't know If I want the pre-pmr days or now . gosh . But I do know I'm dreading the form 4 days . No honeymoon year girlfriends . T.T .

My last post was kinna sappy..OKAYY ! It was sappy . Btw , sorry for neglecting the blog for SOME time .

Now the whole world is under the High School Musical fever . I haven't watch it /no one wants to watch with me *sobs due to the fact they thing its lame . .... Okayy , I was also part of the 'HSM is lame group' untill I found out that zac efron got hot over the summer . (Sorry , I have a weakness for hot guys, doesn't matter is hes black or whatever) And I found out he has superb abs...*drools..AND he looks hot on the cover of roling stones . NOW, I'm jelous of venessa...But I can't wait to watch 17 again (his new movie , releasing at 17 april 2009. *crossing my finger this time no one would think it's lame)

I just cut my hair , and it sucks . I look like a freaking lion , as I've already asked them for comdirmation on 'Do my hair look like lion' and majority said yes , so now , I'm having a healthy diet so my freaking hair can grow faster . (I heard it works)

My parents treat me to a japanese dinner on my bday . food was great . I love japanese food . if I don't migrate to USA , I'll defenately go japan in the future . of course , provided I learn japanese up ASAP .

PS . Kishu , thx for wishing me happy bday . the next person born in november is not my mother , but YOUR mother . sorry . You were right , you DID tell me , I just ...forget?? SORRY !!! I hope somehow you remembered . Btw , your mom's bday is today .

PPS . thx for all the pressie and whishes . ADAM , I'm 15 , not 16 . I'm still young!! FOREVER 15 . YEAH!!

PPS . I DID NOT said the same words last year . last year's line was 14 not 15 . so shush...

2008-09-28T02:20:00.001-07:00

hahahaha , we talk like we're talking for the last time . before death , before departure . I'va always wondered if we were marely getting old or edgy . Thanks , but I'm not that good as you've give me credit for . Have you wondered , what would we have become if I stayed ?? But I've always knew that we will eventually drift apart , you see , you..belong to another circle . You love the attention , and I..well , i was never made for that circle . It will eventually be a circle of great friends . I do not have that many hearts to give . So all my friends are friends , great ones , ones that I really try to be a good friends to them . Thats how I felt home . But I know that even if we drift apart , when theres just me and you , well be back again , like we never drifted apart before .

If I scold u like i did ALOT of times before for being brainless , I guess its not going help you . But I'm really glad you got smarter . Smoking is bad . But I won't blame your bro edwin , it's true . life is short , might as well live it like there's no tommorow . But knowing you , I could see a future far ahead , and its not death . I guess everyone thought about dyin before . And it usually took alot of senses to see beyond it . 13 really caused me alot of depression , it really bind me to a chain , and tore me apart . it was agonizing . But , I had a diffrent way of dealing it infront of everyone that matter to me . There was no home , no sactuary . You see , since I was young , school was heaven to me , I was young and futile , I took my mothers love as abuse . I guess I should thank my dad for getting me out of there . I didn't regret leaving there , but I do wonder what the hell are you up to . I guess this is more healthy , for me and you . But I guess it wasn't the best . Seafield was like a place for me to patch myself up . When cat just dump me like that , she handed my brain back to me . Last year was really a challenging year . It gave me a fresh start , to think about life , it gave a reason to look forward , to make new pieces of me and sew them back together . I'm sorry I was selfish . But if you look closely , you might see my heart laying somewhere in ruang legar..

I really hope u get over here , have a fresh start and everything , it might help you as it helped me . But I guess thats where u belong . You've really grown up , I can really see that . But don't get tequila or get drunk often . Gratz , you've grown!! and I think I got more childish . Should I blame someone for it??

PS : ask whoever for mt st john black tag ahh . cuz no one my skl received it . threated them wei . maybe that would be something intresting to do...

2008-09-04T00:07:00.000-07:00

this is the person i wanted to adress to , but since she distinctly wrote ,'original sikit la , dun copy' I shall put this. dun blame me for not putting your cute pics .

hi cs2 , chen shin , most recently donald duck

how are u ahh?? since u lk not at home this afternoon , I've decided to mail you . I was actually reading midnight sun (a book) on the net when u called . a couple of days ago . the day where I was declaring to everyone that I was busy . your call was unexpected , because I've givin up calling you throughtout the holidays . You sound down , and after putting down the phone , i went back to the comp , continue reading . I could'nt concentrate , while Edward (the character , damn freaking hot , better than your ian ) is getting to know what is love , i started wondering , are u going through another break up . with a guy I haven't met or heard before , due to my temporary absence is your life . and damn , 11 o'clock seems to far ahead .

I had alot of things to report to you , to tell you , and I want to hear your complains . I'm weird right? complain oso like to hear , but I guess it's a habit I've taken up since I met you . When I finnaly made concrite good friends , and mark my mark at seafield , I didn't know u were still there . I guess when drama takes over your life , it'll be a burden to heavy to carry . And when u thought its time to out it down , it left a mark on your shoulders and its too ugly that to hide it , you take it up again . Now , you can't put it down nor u can carry it any further . But I totaly selute you , you lasted that long . I've hardly lasted a year , and it was so heavy for me that it sunk me into depression . I was carefull to hide it , and until now , I wonder if you've realise...

I guess when it comes to life advices , you should be the pro , but I wonder if you've known this already . Life taught me this , when I was still at 13 . There are people we meet in life , people that comes and go , people that hardly left an image in you , people that step into you life and left a deep foot print on you . These are the people we fear or love , they come so unexpectedly and left without a trace . Their after effects is so hard to bear , u didn't know what to feel . These people are in a way , not meant to be forgotten , but remembered . They were sent to teach u a lesson , to help you in the future . And if you find a way to forget them , then they are not leaving their print deep enough and not doing a good job .

That single person that didn't help me in my depression but made it even worse , is our dear EX-BFF cat . She might not make you remember her that much , but she did a good job towards me . Her absurb judging in people and determination to prove perfect is impossible wrong and her pride to high its taller than her . She was willing to kick whoever , and whatever if it was affecting her goals and dream , and most importantly her pride . She was willing to do anything , and it didn't matter if that person was her best friend , to her , its just something to do to get what she wanted . I've forgiven her , how could I not?? When she left us , she took a part of me , a part that was eating me . she took my depression away . Instead of feeling worse , I felt better , VERY much better . And now when I think of her , all I could think of was our good times and how gratefull am I for her .

But in your case , I guess Jeff took the wrong part from you . You weren't as lucky as me . I wish I could help u retrive it back , but I guess its outside of my means . But I believe you'll get throught it . And if no one backs you up , you'll know that you would always have my back . If you get lost and is brainstorming the direction to go , you know I'll brain strom with you . When u want to laugh , u know I would always laugh with you . If you want to think about a good memory , I hope mine will be qualified. If you can give your all for a guy , I hope u can do the same to move on . And when u come out of it , I'm sure you'll be the tougest person alive . You know I'll always love you , and I hope you'll find the missing peace . If Jesus manage to find you back to his arms , I'm sure you'll find it soon . Welcome back to the church , I might not be that fortunate to feel the unbreakeble comfort you find , but I hope you do .

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Y-iLk1jbNpE

MOVE ON!!!

ash

2008-07-06T04:39:00.000-07:00

I know i basically declared to the world that I WILL POST HAPPY STUFFS but sorry , i don't want to blog about my how i live my day because I don't want to post about what I eat , what I bought , who bitch who, whose 'in' and whose 'not' , and introduce my classroom or get emo over bastards and keep repeating the same line , '___ is not here today , miss him , wish I could hold him , miss him' cuz all those bastards are 'baskets' that are not worth missing over . but now?? all there is here , is study , concentrate on stuffs that EVERYBODY knows I don't enjoy . and why?? I bet a lot of you got an idea of what I might be going over , and no its not a dude , no its not the fame , nor is the money , its the place in the world where i stood that is being replace . I know its sounds selfish of me . but yeah, thats what I'm getting pissed/stressed out about . and it all happened because of a 'basket' . I found a new place , but its in my own world . I keep telling myself I deserve better than that , I'll work hard , and I'll get it and its only in a matter of time , but the matter of time and the working hard seems to be just words that never leveled to action and after effects . so , I've decided to just keep away , bcuz I'm sick of thinking the ' what-if''s' . But why is it so hard , so hard to keep away , why can't i keep my distance , accept the truth and get on with life? why do I keep getting myself down , keep pulling myself down , to a place I don't want to be?

love FIR , lydia , to those broken hearts out there , this is an awesome moving on song .

2008-06-26T03:18:00.000-07:00

GUY GIRLS.
GRIP UPON YOUR SEATS , CUZ........

Joe cheng and Danson is coming to town!!!!!
and not just any town , SUBANG JAYA , THE SUMMIT
can u believe it??!!!

you know usually its to KL or Genting , but now its at SUMMIT . can u believe it , lols , rite , sure very pact wan . ....... BUT WHO CARES , I AM GOING!!!!!! no one can stop me , hahahahahahaha , those who never go sure regret wan . but hopefully ppl forget about it , cuz i dun want to be squashed in a sardine can and I need to oxy . imagine breathing under the same air with them . okayy , Im being ridiculous , but who cares??? wish i can upload their pics /or sumthin but thanks to my *arherm unbelievable / godly/cunted skill , I do not know how to upload pic , and I lazy use photo bucket . I've actually registered there but me being me have lost my id and pass word. no surprise~~~~

but I really kesian ppl that is forced/parents ntg to do buy/pai seh if nvr buy /wiling wan that is going teh shitty MALAM AMAL . no offence , as much as I feel the skl is OKAY , but 80 for the ticket at a hall is very unreasonable . as much as it saves cost and everything but I think its over charged . it should've been 50 or sumthin if they really wanna earn . but still , according to my ever-talking form teacher , pn chow , they sold like 100k worth of tickets , but 35k is going to the food , but still the PIBG is complaining not enough , these ppl ahh , sangat the greedy u know . My dad always say la , live within your mints. so dun expect so much la.

to miss Ng Nee Cole , u lucky la , can go see beauty and the beast the musical , i oso wanna go okayy , and I dun care if cannto bring camera la , u better take some pics for us .

And go support Elaine's church concert , as much as I cannot go , its this Sat , at their church . admission is free , if your intrested go ask her bah . You can ask me 1st , I'll give you the info la , ashley02_xoxo@hotmail.com.

2008-06-16T04:15:00.000-07:00

I AM happy to announced that MY BLOG SKIN PROBLEMO IS OVER!!! *claps hand .
now all of y'all can enjoy my blog without TRYING to ignore the fact that my blog skin is abselutely CACAT . hahahahahahahahaha .

okayy , lets say HAPPY MOVING TO SG TO MR ADAM A.K.A. BATMAN 1202 . I know , but u have to accept it... i know ..batman?? hope u dun die at the heat to sg . although msia is hotter .

cs2 and ALL the other st john ppl who is taking the kadet/adult/re-take kadet/re-take adult this saturday . was wondering if any of u ppl know which skl is holding it . and CS2 U TAKING THE EXAM RITE??!!! u better take lahh , i so long hvn see you d..

Kishu and the rest of baby ilmas. I know , unexpected rite? told you I so good loh for the past 2-3 years . but I'll miss any of u guys , but nvm lahh , we can still talk through the always essable MSN . wont get cut off wan . its just all the ACTION is taken to a SMALL chatbox , i hope we dun TOTTALY pollute the poor thing . and Kishu I'm sorry u have to pull yourself out from your weird..habit..wait a couple of years till your 18 bah ..If cannot w8 then migrate yourself to sg bah . xp.

2008-05-23T20:39:00.000-07:00

A look to the gossips ,
a kiss on the cheek ,
will you stay true ,
to your words and your heart?

Your eyes are decieving ,
your plastic smile glow ,
why do my heart sadden,
at such a wonderfull sunday?

close the doors ,
shut the windows ,
smell the grease of filthy ,
no air .

2008-05-14T05:51:00.000-07:00

death is jusr a simple phase ,
a long , hard road ,
up the nine skies , the chinese say ,
to the final place of judgement .

it is what we've done,
to go to the gates of hell ,
it is our hearts that count ,
to graduate to heaven .

come what may ,
bend down on your knees ,
come what may ,
a great wind gushing towards you .

In our hearts ,
you will always share ,
In our soul ,
your mark will be permenant .

2008-05-08T04:14:00.000-07:00

What am I suppose to say?
Wasn't expecting a reply ,
Wasn't expecting a liar ,
My mended heart crashing down to the cold hard floor ,
Will my heart ever stay safe?

My fingers lingering the keys ,
searching for the right word to type ,
thinking trice ,
for the right word to say .

What are u expecting me to say ,
what are you expecting me to feel ,
how do you want me to act?
so cough up with my emotions , as if what I have to deal is not enough .

If it's a game to play ,
I'm pulling out the strings ,
if it's a penance you want to pay ,
save it , I don't care .

I could see your reaction in my dreams ,
so many possibilities ,
so afraid of making the wrong move ,
running is the only solution .

run , run ,
how far must I run ,
to satisfy you ,
to full fill your ego .

Thank you for the disappointments ,
In a way I could see it coming ,
but didn't expect it to be like this ,
A big band aid strapped over the damage you've done .

The seal was right infront of me ,
drafted and complete ,
My sign is stamped and sealed ,
all left was a thin line of frienship , hanging on the sky .

2008-05-08T04:11:00.000-07:00

I guess the exam-mood finally kicked in . and exam-mood =stress+tension times 2 . 2mr is the maths paper and as freaked out I am , surprisingly I felt COOL . really la . but I hope the COOL won't lead to FAIL . but seriously , I think I'll go thought the pms than THE EXAM week . it sucks . I know wonder who made exams anyway ??

2008-05-02T18:16:00.001-07:00

My dearest babe aka bestiez...

Now only you know just how i feel... But i am fine... Cause you fell down once doesnt mean you gonna fall down for the next time... I am always here for you... Know what... I didnt know that you both still communicating with each other... I was suprised... Never cry for what is over, smile because it happen... Ashley listen... Maybe he is not yours... Have you ever imagine you both's future? That might be a sweet dream... But dreams are for dreamers... If you really thinks that he is supposed to belong to you... Go ahead... As he made a big effort for giving an abvious sign... Babe... Brace up... You can live without him... Know why??? Because you are living for yourself, THE PURE ASHLEY CHOI HUI YIN... You life shouldnt control by him... When he is yours, I will wish you with all my heart, full of sincere... When he is with other girl... Keep your feelings, GET OVER HIM... You dont have to see hkm dating her right in front of you... PLEASE you are hurting youself... He might be a player or loyal people... Depends how you think about him... You have much more things to do in the future... e.g. advise chen shin, love chen shin... Ohya you can also ejek her kao kao... Kaka... We are made for each other,remember???

Mode: Taylor swift -Tear drops on my guitar http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=R7DRtl6CTqc&feature=related

Warmest Regards,Chen Shin

2008-05-02T18:12:00.000-07:00

okayy this is kinna random . I wrote an e-mail to the best friend in town , cs2 , part of the guity reason why she's her today is 75% because of me . and as much as I've tamned down (thanks to cfill) but still I dun know what power I had in me , some of the people around me are and miniture version of her . okayy , maybe a little more miniture than the already miniture size . but the exam were near and I had carvings for maple story after quiting for so long . random , I know . but anyway , I posted at my blog an e-mail for cs2 , seeking besties moral support . and this was her reply . a couple of months back oso . swt , I know ..

2008-04-30T06:51:00.000-07:00

Tagged by cs2 . funny..

1.what is the most important thing in your life?
obviosly my friends . ^^

2.what was the last thing you bought with your own money?
fila bag . imported from where house . good as new .

3.where do you wish to get married?
wow..never hit me before....whatever la ..as long its outta malaysia I'm happy .

4.are you in love?
is this a trick question?? not answering . :x

5.where was the last restaurant you had dinner?
erm..last sunday..kfc?? I know ! all the fats and carb . dun remind me..

6.name the latest book you have bought.
erm.. a couple of weeks ago , 'painting mona lisa'

7.whats your full name?
ashley choi hui yin .

8.do you prefer your mother or your father?
I'll stick with father .

9.name a person taht you really wish to meet in real life for the first time .
okayy , I'm not putting in the name , but I have someone in mind . and I'll only meet....untill I've done some stuff .

10.how old do you think you will me permanately owned by your love?
this one ahh...okayy....see how la...

11.christina or britney?
obviosly CHRISTINA!!!

12.do you do your own laudry?
when I need to . which is occasionally . I'm not aS GOOD AS CS2 .

13.the most exiting place you want to go.
ALL THE DISNEY LANDS !!!

14.hugs or kisses?
I'll still stick with the hugs . can use with everybody .

15.point out 5 things about the girl who tagged you .
-naugthy
- preety
-cares too much about people
-worry to much
-fun!

16.8 things I'm passionate about.
words.
music.
books .
animals.
frienship.
love.
catch up with my genuis sister .
decorating my already decorated room .

17.8 thigns i say too often .
lame lah!
omg.
lols
what the hell .
freak.
hey!
no..
haiz.....

18.8 books I've read recently.
princess diary.
the sej wau book .
form 1 history book .
the mangas...
chocolat.
the luckiest girl in the world .
science refrence book .
the chinese book i recently read...dun even know how to read the title ..

19. 8 songs I could listen over and over again .
shadow of the day-likin park
move along-all american rejects
glamorus day-nana starring mika nakashimura
iris-goo goo dolls
leavin-jesse macartney
love song-sarah bressen
nan ren , nu ren-the chinese singer laa
apologise-timland ft one replublic .

20.8 things Ive learn last year .
forgiving is the hardest thing to do .
life is for living not dying
never let love go .
lies are everything.
moving on is not that easy .
being flexible around everyone does not really benefit you .
how to survive in lala-ness .

21.8 ppl to tag .
I hate this part .
so if you see me saying . you are tagged rite
just do the damn thing . .

2008-04-28T02:11:00.000-07:00

I AM DEFENATELY GOING TO CRY ALREADY AHHH!!!!!!!!!
OKAYY , this is how the story goes. I was so freakin proud bcuz I was the FIRST one to finish up my sejarah project . so proud...so proud...so proud ... But Im so not proud about the fact that when I wanna print everything out that time , guess what? my hasil kajian aka the MAIN PART is gone . yeah . GONE! Im so dead la . but I'll find my way . shit!!!!

2008-04-10T02:40:00.000-07:00

No Regrets

I sit on the back couch .
Feeling that warm feeling ,
It's been so long ,
So far , no regrets .

That faded picture book ,
with memories too full to keep ,
I don't need any comfort or flashbacks ,
To keep me alive .

A twisted road , A road of fate ,
I never cared , I had enough ,
We never went that far ,
And I was glad we never did .

I don't care if speaking to me is a burden ,
In a way , I'm sick of it too ,
So , fill your 'lols' and 'swt ' ,
I have no regret in my heart.

2008-04-07T05:17:00.001-07:00

"Leavin'"

Hey baby girl
I've been watching you all day
Man that thing you got behind you is amazing
You make me want to take you out and let it rain
I know you got a man but this is what you should say

[Chorus:]
Why don't you tell him that I'm leavin' never looking back again
You found somebody who does it better than he can
No more making you cry
No more them gray skies
Girl we flying on a g-5, g-5
And we're leavin' never to come back again
So call your shawty you tell him you found a new man
The one who's so so fly
The one to keep you high
Have you singing all night, like that

Now if I talk it girl, you know that I will walk it out
Man I'll put my money money where my mouth is
Cause you're the baddest little thing that I've ever seen
So I'm gonna ask you one time if you got a man

[Chorus]

Don't stress, don't stress, don't stress
Just tell him to the left left left
Don't stress, don't stress, don't stress
Cause we gone & we gone & we gone
No stress, no stress, no stress
Girl you deserve nothing but the best
No stress, no stress, no stress
Girl you need to tell him...

[Chorus]

2008-04-07T05:08:00.000-07:00

the new jesse mcCartney . hot and mature . love him..

http://www.youtube.com/v/LYMDXK9ZpxQ&hl=en">

2008-04-07T04:48:00.000-07:00

this feeling

as I wait infront of the computer ,

waiting for a reply that would never be replied ,

a twisted feeling in my heart ,

acknowledging the fact that I miss the old times .

a wonderfull day ,

a great whether ,

you don't need an umbrella ,

I would always remember you .

trace the line of my face ,

print the map on my door,

no matter how far you are ,

you've mark you presence at my floor .

I'll never see you ,

never talk to you face to face ,

never really get to know you more ,

it's sad , but I've taken it in .

it not for you ,

it's not for me ,

don't think too much ,

its bad for health .

2008-03-27T05:42:00.000-07:00

I have a conffesion to make . and I hope u do understand . If you're reading right now , take a magnifiying glass . My blogskin has limited amount of space , so I'll be clear with you . And I bet you know what I'm talking about . First of all , I want to say I do Love you still as a friend. as much as I treasure Friendship , you drove my limit of friendship to the extreme . I don't usually feel like this towards friends and like always , My prediction was correct and as much as I understand your flaws and have accepted it as much as I can , I'm Sick of you . I'm sick of your endless moodswing . I don't find moodswings exciting . I hate moodswing although it happens to me . I hate the fact that u easily get angry , offended .I'm sick of you Hitting people although in you opinion its your fun . But FYI , I'm not a toy . I've been extremely patient and like I did with my brother , I had ENOUGH. I know you put up with me too , but sometimes , when I spend some time with you , I just feel like running to the nearest hole and duck my head inside it like an ostrich . You demand alot of Attenion and I get what you mean . but sometimes , wj , Its just best look at people . as kind as you were . as willing as you were . as loyal as you were . as unique as you were . I had treasure my fun and I hope we can work it out .

2008-03-17T00:55:00.000-07:00

this is gonna be a very holy week for all the catholics , angelic an , protestant u name it and ME as in I am ABSOLUTELY not HOLY . LITERALLY , I just went confession like last Thursday and let me tell you , i Broke the record for the shortest confession made . I mean I'm not clean or anything but I'm impressed I didn't do anything THAT bad ,at the starting of the year . actually i summarize everything . there was the usual and everything , but like every single confession I make every stinkin year of my life , there was something I realize . I grew up . yeah , weird. stupid. clueless . but ppl its the truth . I realize that I think before I act that I was able to SUMMARIZE everything in a matter or two sentences . the father said so too . 'its good . ur growing yp and started to take responsibility for ur actions . okayy , I'm nagging like and old woman and its getting for for my health .

2008-03-08T00:23:00.001-08:00

2008-03-08T00:19:00.000-08:00

Sara Bareilles "Love Song"

2008-03-07T03:55:00.001-08:00

cs2, guess wat? I finally know how it feels like when you got dumped . It's not easy to shallow right?

Remember I told you about the guy .how we we're really good friends and he really helped me through the dark times when I couldn't find anyone and I felt really lonely sometimes when you're not with me . I'm still working on it . and eventually he came to have feelings and been giving me obvious signs yet I was too afraid to admit? he left me stuff and he moved away . we still chat through msn and we we're doing great . he wasn't who he used to be . and I really don't know how to communicate anymore . yet , shin , guess wat ? I still like him very much . weird huh? and we talked last night , and he keep asking about his 'there' punya friend. and it was a she . I was cool with that . but when she added me into the conversation , It sort off hit to me . the way they we're talkin? it was exactly the way we used to talk . and right there , it broke my heart . it was raw , unbearable , its not cancer . it's like literary squeezing my heart and letting it go and squeezing again . it really really hurt..shin.it really hurt and there we're tears . I haven't cried since i wan 6 you know . I called you but you we're still in tuition . and now , I don't know wat to do . I know what I should do . let him work his magic , maybe the other girl was better right? but I really don't want to see him just dating her right in front of me . but I know its good for him . I really dun know wat to do . work your magic chai chen shin .

2008-03-06T04:47:00.000-08:00

blue October-hate me .
it's for him , it's like him . the only diff is that his skin is too thick to admit . he's wrong .

(If you're sleeping are you dreaming
If your dreaming are you dreaming of me?
I can't believe you actually picked me.)

(i Justin, this is your mother, and it's 2:33 on Monday afternoon.
I was just calling to see how you ware doing.
You sounded really uptight last night.
It made me a little nervous, and a l... and... well... it made me nervous, it sounded like you were nervous, too.
I just wanted to make sure you were really OK,
And wanted to see if you were checking in on your medication.
You know I love you, and...
Take care honey
I know you're under a lot of pressure.
See ya. Bye bye?

I have to block out thoughts of you so I don lose my head
They crawl in like a cockroach leaving babies in my bed
Dropping little reels of tape to remind me that I alone
Playing movies in my head that make a porno feel like home
There's a burning in my pride, a nervous bleeding in my brain
An ounce of peace is all I want for you. Will you never call again?
And will you never say that you love me just to put it in my face?
And will you never try to reach me?
It is I that wanted space

Hate me today
Hate me tomorrow
Hate me for all the things I didn't do for you

Hate me in ways
Yeah ways hard to swallow
Hate me so you can finally see what good for you

I sober now for 3 whole months it one accomplishment that you helped me with
The one thing that always tore us apart is the one thing I won touch again
In a sick way I want to thank you for holding my head up late at night
While I was busy waging wars on myself, you were trying to stop the fight
You never doubted my warped opinions on things like suicidal hate
You made me compliment myself when it was way too hard to take
So Il drive so fucking far away that I never cross your mind
And do whatever it takes in your heart to leave me behind

Hate me today
Hate me tomorrow
Hate me for all the things I didn do for you

Hate me in ways
Yeah ways hard to swallow
Hate me so you can finally see what good for you

And with a sad heart I say bye to you and wave
Kicking shadows on the street for every mistake that I had made
And like a baby boy I never was a man
Until I saw your blue eyes cry and I held your face in my hand
And then I fell down yelling ake it go away!?br> Just make a smile come back and shine just like it used to be
And then she whispered ow can you do this to me??br>
Hate me today
Hate me tomorrow
Hate me for all the things I didn do for you

Hate me in ways
Yeah ways hard to swallow
Hate me so you can finally see what good for you
For you
For you
For you

[Children voices:]
If you're sleeping, are you dreaming,
if you're dreaming are you dreaming of me.
I can't believe you actually picked me

[Girl:] Hey Justin! [x12]

2008-03-06T04:36:00.000-08:00

how to love addicts.

rolled in a corner ,
groaning in pain ,
my heart hurts ,
but I'm clean .

he hits ,
he yelled ,
he don't care ,
but I guess I still love him .

he's an ass ,
he's a jerk ,
he squeezes every single kind of love ,
I had for him .

I keep loving him ,
we keep loving him ,
we're blood ,
how can we not .

It hurts alot when you love an addict ,
It hurts alot to see them not knowing around them ,
It hurts alot you can't find a solution ,
It hurts alot when you know you can't run .

2008-03-06T04:15:00.000-08:00

after being a teenager , I started to learn that , you have a choice . a choice to say no , a choice to love . and at first , being a rebel ,I told myself that I absolutely hate my family and everything , but growing up did help me alot . Eventually , it taught me what I have to know . as far as family goes , as time pass by , I sort off know what to face everyday . that there are so many types of ppl . but funnily even when I'm prepared , everyday with them is a surprise . yea sure , we fought alot . yea sure , we argue like theres no tomorrow . you sort off start to understand each other in another level . But lately , being 15 really is special . after arguing with my brother which I have been trying to avoid for a very long time . and I plan my stuff properly so I don't have to fight with him . but , yea , unavoidable . kids , online game is addictive . and its no different than drugs . the only different is it can be controlled . it depends on you . But i hope you guys we're not as cold-blooded , selfish ,tactless as my brother . as much as I really love him , but as times passes by , I really don't know how to continue loving his flaws . when it get more and more . but I guess I have to accept the fact about it . adios . see life positively friend

2008-02-29T23:52:00.000-08:00

the results we're out and I really can already feel the dissapointment in my parents eyes. I care about my results okay . But I really don't know how to sit down there and study . and my parents are not gonna be satisfied . I don't expect them to be either . on the net or in reality , I really don't know where to run? in reality , I try so hard to make my life easier . I'm a VERY patient girl . I accept people's flaw full heartedly and acknowledge it . so basicly , I'm ready when they do something I dun like . But still , however fully prepared am I . people won't just make it easier for me . and now I'm very tired . Tired of everyone . In the net , opening msn used to be my excape for reality . and now , everything is different . It makes my head ache . I don't want to keep hearing sorry . I don't want to care . I'm fed up . I don't want to keep going with your mood swing . and I don't want to talk to you . and ...I guess I just can't help it . I just want to spend some time with you . I want to talk to you alone . and yet , you we're talkin with so many other girls too . I wonder if you do the same thing too the rest too . I know that you could be really doing that right now . and I know I really should stay away from you , but you are always on my dreams and you're taking over my mind . I really don't know wat to do right now . you're not that guy I met anymore . you don't talk alot with me anymore . I'm the one who always have to start talkin , making topic . I guess I'm the only one who wants to talk . and you're properly just annoyed ... I keep telling myself that the reason I want to talk to you is because I want to keep our friendship but I guess thats preety old excuse. right?? I really don't know wat to do now .

2008-02-22T04:38:00.000-08:00

hey everyone , how are you doing . exam over d and there is still a weigh in my heart . maybe the fact that there are still exams ahead of us for the rest of the years and the fact that we can never rest until we finish life's race . since I've been a teenager , I 've had so many different persoanality, sometimes I wonder who am I .I guess it's a period of time everybody go through .

2008-02-17T23:02:00.000-08:00

jordan knight & deborah gibson . say goodbye.

2008-02-12T02:18:00.000-08:00

tear drop on my guitar

Drew looks at me, I fake a smile so he won't see
That I want and I'm needing everything that we should be
I'll bet she's beautiful, that girl he talks about
And she's got everything that I have to live without

Drew talks to me, I laugh cause it's so damn funny
That I can't even see anyone when he's with me
He says he's so in love, he's finally got it right,
I wonder if he knows he's all I think about at night

[Chorus:]

He's the reason for the teardrops on my guitar
The only thing that keeps me wishing on a wishing star
He's the song in the car I keep singing, don't know why I do

Drew walks by me, can he tell that I can't breathe?
And there he goes, so perfectly,
The kind of flawless I wish I could be
She'd better hold him tight, give him all her love
Look in those beautiful eyes and know she's lucky cause

[Repeat Chorus]

So I drive home alone, as I turn out the light
I'll put his picture down and maybe
Get some sleep tonight

He's the reason for the teardrops on my guitar
The only one who's got enough of me to break my heart
He's the song in the car I keep singing, don't know why I do
He's the time taken up, but there's never enough
And he's all that I need to fall into..

Drew looks at me, I fake a smile so he won't see.

2008-02-12T02:13:00.000-08:00

this song really brings out my heart . its not some song with boombastic words . taylor used words . her words . which makes this song evrything .

2008-02-08T06:24:00.000-08:00

the red jumpsuit apparetus-face down lyrics.

Hey girl you know you drive me crazy
one look puts the rhythm in my hand.
Still I'll never understand why you hang around
I see what's going down.

Cover up with make up in the mirror
tell yourself it's never gonna happen again
you cry alone and then he swears he loves you.

Do you feel like a man
when you push her around?
Do you feel better now as she falls to the ground?
Well I'll tell you my friend, one day this world's going to end
as your lies crumble down, a new life she has found.

A pebble in the water makes a ripple effect
every action in this world will bear a consequence
If you wade around forever you will surely drown
I see what's going down.

I see the way you go and say your right again,
say your right again
heed my lecture

Do you feel like a man
when you push her around?
Do you feel better now as she falls to the ground?
Well I'll tell you my friend, one day this world's going to end
as your lies crumble down a new life she has.

Face down in the dirt she says, this doesn't hurt she says I finally had enough..

Face down in the dirt she says, this doesn't hurt she says I finally had enough..

One day she will tell you that she has had enough
its coming round again.

Do you feel like a man, when you push her around?
Do you feel better now as she falls to the ground?
Well I'll tell you my friend, one day this world's going to end
as your lies crumble down, a new life she has.

Do you feel like a man, when you push her around?
Do you feel better now as she falls to the ground?
Well I'll tell you my friend, one day this world's going to end
as your lies crumble down, a new life she has.

Face down in the dirt she says, this doesn't hurt she says I finally had enough..

2008-02-08T06:20:00.000-08:00

this song rocks man. the lyric and everything.

2008-02-01T02:13:00.000-08:00

I dont really know what to do . how people changes . I used to call those people that smoke tactless and dumb . I used to call those people stupid and idiotic . and now I don't know waht to do . What am I to do when my bff is smoking . I don't blame her . But I can't kick the crap outta her . its her problem and she have to deal it herself . but what friends can do is stay with her . and support her . cs2 , I love you . you're a big girl and u know what to do . stop smokin , and love you always ..

2008-01-25T05:59:00.000-08:00

love this song . jye er . i think you will like it too

2008-01-25T05:41:00.000-08:00

A walk To Be Remembered.

A pavement dusty and grey ,
faded bricks losing its colour ,
a breath of air enough to please my mind ,
I no longer wish things I know I will never archieve .

Sitting straight on the park bench ,
Posed in a way an elegent woman disgust ,
'hypocrite' they say,
I just want build a foundation for my life .

A teacher marking paper like it was done so many times before ,
the speed of the pen not stopping , not tired ,
she shook her head at the wrong and smile at the right ,
no knowing how anxious her student we're to know their future .

A girl sits in an expensive restaurant ,
hoping her date would be handsome and caring ,
hopes that are always emty ,
maybe next time she will learn not to keep her hopes to high .

A walk to be remebered ,
A string of memories not faded ,
Life is too short ,
Live your life to the fullest .

2008-01-05T04:28:00.001-08:00

new day of school preety much suck , like always . okayy , maybe I was lying . It didn't suck so bad . but , it wasnt that great either because , jye er , jie yi and jie yinn got sorted outta the class . preety suck for me . but wj wasn't that bad either . althought god has been blssing me , as I havent gotten any injuries . lala~ ness have been installed to our class . and , as usual I disgust lala~ness . I think budi has been condemn for lala~ ness eternity . but what can I say about lala~ . I have a bbf that is lal~ . you know funny thing is how we can meet people everywhere . I met this alter boy during the wedding and now after mass . like I meet people unexpectedly . I think everything is fated . if my dad haven't transfered me out . I wouln't have fit in anymore , and I would have met these great ppl . god have been takin care of me . >.< cheers with schooling .

2008-01-01T17:41:00.000-08:00

Ashley's New Year Reselution .

1. Guess what?? being 15 sucks . reselution number one . stop thinking it sucks .

2. Why it suck?? PMR . form 3 biggest nightmere . number 2 . start studyin .

3. TUISION . okayy . I don't really hate tuition . on account that I haven.t been into tuision in donkey years . so , I get to go tuision . actually perfect reason to go . but , this times , I gonna really listen in tuision .

4. OMg . okayy. My youger sis , sucks . she going throught erm , kid to youth transformation and shes unbearable . so , er , be nicer to her . although that is NOT GARENTEED.

5. Wadrobe transfermation .

6. saving trasfomation .

7. good people transfomation .

8. If u know me , not that you'll say I think things negatively , but the oppesite . okayy . when I'm actually reflecting my life or dealing with my own problems , I thing neg wan . so , num 8 think positive .

9. erm....gotta make new friends .

10. be nicer to parents instead of sceaming my head off them .

11. call more to friends .

12. ashley transformation .

2007-12-12T19:57:00.000-08:00

Holidays are going to be over in a few weeks . My humour fail me , my feelings mix me up . I sit in the park for 5 hours looking aT the kids their parents paid me to look after . at 4, I'll walk to 4 house across the park and walk their dog . and their maids will pay me . at 5, I walk home to hell . Why must I always end up like this . why can't I look clearly with a positive mind and an open eye . all I know is my life suck . I feel lk a ungratefull bitch who does not know how to be gratefull of things I have . My mom I've already accept her . I finally understand her . But my brother . HEY BRO . IF U HAPPENS TO INVADE MY PRIVACY NOW! YOU SUCK ASS HOLE . yea . I hate him . and I'm not afraid to tell it on his face . I really don't understand how he got along woth ppl as he is the worst human on the planet . He's freakin selfish . all he cares is if it benefit himself . if nothing goes to him , I'm willing to bet my bottom doller that he would not help out . hes freakin narrow - minded . I look on him makes me wanna punch the jerk . I WANNA TELL U BRO . WHEN I GET OUTTA THE HOUSE , I DONT WANNA SEE YOUR STINKIN FACE . OWH YEA , chen fung . cousin , I look up to your ability to hang around my bro for long . but I strongly hope that when u feel lk you cant stand him anymore , GO AWAY!!!! before u feel lk punchin hiim . Sadly , not me . as you can see Looks lk I have no choice but if given a choice . I'll go . thx for your time . merry xmas ppl . and a happy new year .

2007-11-04T17:41:00.000-08:00

I lied at my first confession ,
you knew from the start ,
why did you take the risk ,
you knew I was never true .

It was toxic , it was acid ,
it was written at at the front ,
why are you so foolish ,
why dont you think with a mirror .

Dont kill yourself for me ,
Don't put your hopes too high for me ,
Its not worth it ,
I'm not worth it .

You weren't suppose to know ,
I didn't want to upset you ,
But they say love is not something to force ,
I hope you understand .

I never lie when I told you you took my heart ,
I gave you my hand ,
and you gave me wonders ,
I'm sorry to say that ,
the love for you have fade and will never return .

I didnt mean to hurt you ,
but he drove me crazy ,
you werent suppose to know ,
but I'm sorry you caught me red-handed ,
I'm sorry and I hope you have a nice life .

2007-11-03T20:02:00.000-07:00

today is the day I have to give my report card to my dad . I really dont know how to fac him . Its not that hell kill ,me or anythin . the most he will wack me and lecture me . But I guess wht I'm afraid is the face hell give me when he sees my results . Ive nvr forgotten the face . an now , I told him tat teachers gonna giv report card on monday and he wan me to get the freakin card . I damn scared leh!!!!!!!1 and i even change my marks on a couple of 'D' so I think if I give right now after the whole porcess , I can breath again cuz its all over . I'm defenatly gonna giv today but I reallyu dun know when lorh . b4 6 lah . b4 he go out lah . b4 mamamia . help me jesus . help me god . hopefully I can go through the thing . freakin scary . shit . kay , needa chill...

2007-10-16T18:35:00.000-07:00

here you go . the video .....aint I good??

2007-10-16T18:31:00.000-07:00

too late to apologize lyrics , by one republic . the song rocks man!

I'm holding on your rope,
Got me ten feet off the ground
I'm hearin what you say but I just can't make a sound
You tell me that you need me
Then you go and cut me down, but wait
You tell me that you're sorry
Didn't think I'd turn around, and say that...

I said it's too late to apologize, it's too late
It's too late to apologize, it's too late

I'd take another chance, take a fall
Take a shot for you

And I need you like a heart needs a beat
But it's nothing new
I loved you with a fire red-
Now it's turning blue, and you say...
"Sorry" like the angel heaven let me think was you
But I'm afraid...

It's too late to apologize, it's too late
I said it's too late to apologize, it's too late

Bridge (guitar/piano)

It's too late to apologize, it's too late
I said it's too late to apologize, it's too late
It's too late to apologize, yeah
I said it's too late to apologize, yeah-
I'm holdin on your rope, got me ten feet off the ground...

harry potter parody

2007-10-13T09:19:00.001-07:00

this thing is freakin funny .

2007-10-13T09:06:00.001-07:00

2007-10-13T09:02:00.000-07:00

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Pts-t0mGEYE

edited to fit

2007-10-13T08:50:00.000-07:00

I shoulnt trust you but I want to ,
I can't help it ,
I should't believe you but my feeling wont shake,
It wont leave you alone .

and I dont know how to let it go ,
when fires bursting my inside .

Just so u know ,
your head is full or yourself ,
and I cant help it ,
I'll sit around and cool myself down ,
throught you should know ,
you dont have to try your best to forget me now ,
cuz you face gonna get punched ,
who knows?? it might even wacked your memory out ,
just gotta say it all
before I go ,
just so u know .

It's getting hard to be around you ,
theres so much to say and do .
do you want me to tell you the thruth,
or let you hide in your hole??

Your noble sacrifices I dont get it ,
And I wonder why I'm waiting here ,
Looking back I realise ,
Its all there , just waiting for my punch .

orriginal lyric.

2007-10-13T08:46:00.000-07:00

"Just So You Know"-jesse macartney

I shouldn't love you but I want to
I just can't turn away
I shouldn't see you but I can't move
I can't look away

And I don't know how to be fine when I'm not'
Cause I don't know how to make a feeling stop

[Chorus:]
Just so you know
This feeling's taking control of me
And I can't help it
I won't sit around, I can't let him win now
Thought you should know
I've tried my best to let go of you
But I don't want to
I just gotta say it all
Before I go
Just so you know

It's getting hard to be around you
There's so much I can't say
Do you want me to hide the feelings
And look the other way
And I don't know how to be fine when I'm not
'Cause I don't know how to make a feeling stop

[Chorus]

This emptiness is killing me
And I'm wondering why I've waited so long
Looking back I realize
It was always there just never spoken
I'm waiting here...been waiting here

[Chorus]

I'm really pissed!

2007-10-13T08:37:00.000-07:00

okayy , ladies . I'm freakin pissed right now ! I really dont get it with guys! one minute your chatting niely , the other the sent you a mail tellin you they cant be friends with you bcuz they love you . they even give you a slide from power point and dedicate a song to you . and he dump you at maple reason? bcuz his sis fix him up with a new one . and guess wat he did bfore that ?/ he propose! and then before you know it , he delete you frm his buddy and guild! and you get really piss .how can u sent like 2 songs , 5 great slides and calls him shit and when Im soo full of myself ?? this is wat I call jerk dude . and guess what?? He even dig 2 great poem out of me .

randomly feelings down there

2007-10-03T06:21:00.000-07:00

there is a feeling inside me ,
eating my inside ,
there an urge in my brain ,
that want me to live in fantasies .

would it change if a cross the atlantic ,
would it change if i dung the deepest hole,
would if change if I found the most valuable treasure,
would it change if I find the end of the rainbow??

I dont want to live in a castle ,
I dont want to know everything ,
I dont want the heavy jewel ,
I just want to be better .

I have everything I want ,
deep at the core of my heart ,
I have everything I dont want ,
covered my feelings into darkness .

2007-10-02T23:27:00.000-07:00

okayy , i decided to let go my dobt about the friendship thing . after all , friendship last forever dont they ?? cs2 , didnt change , so far , all her friends at 13 , most of them betray her before but shes still friends with them , I dunno why , but I dont think she mind . she just dont trust any of them anymore , althought , all of them seemd to be there at her time in need . but , the planning, the secrets its still all with me . at times like this , I still wish I was still with her . cs2 is not the kind of girl that can stand on her own feet easily . she need someone to be with her all the time . shes like my unofficial little sister . I still regret the days where she needed someone and I could not be there to support her . she had to tell someone else , sometimes deal with it herself . she's happy u know . I think she sorta need someone to be there . I used to call her almost all her free day . now , Im not callin anyone . I;ve always have the habit of calling my best friend everyday , sometimes ,twice. I bet some of you know what i mean . now I'm not callin anyone . occacionally , I would pick up the phoe and dail cs2's num . I still remember clearly . 56339478 . its still in my mind . Ive forgotten cat's or heng's . Cs2 treat me well , can be bitchy sometimes , but shes still there . but , sadly , she dont seems so understand what I've always wanted to tell her . I'm still afraid she wont understand . I've never told anyone . I just wished , she could see...

my poen of apology to a narrow-minded friend .

2007-10-01T21:57:00.000-07:00

I'm sorry I called you a girl
althoght , i admit , you'll look great in a dress .
I'm sorry I called you gay ,
like I did with everyone else ,
But heather still says , 'join my club tonight . '

Your pride is bigger than your head ,
wasnt it a burden too big to bear?
wonder how you do it
but I'm not suprise at all ,
arent all the guys the same??

no wonder relantionship doesnt last ,
I have no right to say it ,
as weve only met on the net ,
or the dusty streets of pereon ,
so , I'll zipped my mouth .

sorry , dude ,
I feel uneasy calling you dude ,
as I've heard from ER ,
that someone called you a girl at fm .
and jenn said your gay .

I'm fine both ways ,
I'm not as narrow-minded as u ,
as I ve already welcome the 21st cetuary ,
like u called me a bitch , wonder why I never got mad??
bcuz I admit I was one .

sorry if there is any spelling mistakes ,
mr-my-spelling-is-perfect ,
If only there is any mistakes .
wont you say my english rocks now?
>.<

HIS REPLY:
....wth???how can u just make a poem like dat???aiya...dun fake lar u copy frm net or book der right...tink i stupid ar?sorry lor,i am not such an idiot.And u said that relationships doest last...haha...****************************************************************************around thats of cuz u cnt have a relationship that last u b00b. T_T sry , its not a bad word or anything . I just prefer to cencor it .

the perceantage of other patrousnas frm my reults

2007-09-30T05:47:00.000-07:00

Your Patronus is the Badger! The badger is a symbol of aggressiveness, passion and drive. He is also the mascot for Hufflepuff. As your Patronus, the Badger will bite and claw to protect you. Congratulations! That your Patronus is a badger says that you are very driven in whatever you do. When you enjoy something, you go at it with all of your heart. Unfortunately, you also tend to be aggressive, and this can lead to a bossy attitude. Try to keep that aggression in check, and you'll be a wonderful witch or wizard!3317 times, 11%

Your Patronus is the Horse! The horse is a symbol of physical and spiritual power and is also a bearer of burdens. He is a powerful ally against your enemies. That your Patronus is a horse says that you are a strong person--strong enough to bear others' burdens when they become too much. Be careful to consider yourself and you will be a terrific witch or wizard.7263 times, 23%

Your Patronus is the Peacock! The peacock is a symbol of recognition, self-assurance and pride. He is one of the world's most beautiful birds. That your Patronus is a peacock says that you are very self-confident. You know what you are capable of and are comfortable with that. You tend to be more prideful than the average person, though. Gilderoy Lockhart anyone? Keep your pride in check and you will be an excellent witch or wizard!1250 times, 4%

Your Patronus is the Snake! The snake is a symbol of healing, hunting and fertility. He is also the mascot of Slytherin House. That your Patronus is a snake says that you are a cunning person. You also tend to have a healing influence on others...and you're a bit of a horny little git, aren't you? ;) Keep your focus on the more permanent things of life and you will be a fantastic witch or wizard!4337 times, 14%

Your Patronus is the Wolf! The wolf is a symbol of wisdom, loyalty and independence. He is one of history's more revered (and feared) characters. That your Patronus is a wolf says that you are very wise as a person. You tend to be loyal to your friends, even when they screw up, but you are also independent. Finding that balance is key; finding it will ensure that you will be a wonderful witch or wizard!8113 times, 26%

Your Patronus is the Bear! The bear is a symbol of gentle strength, instrospection and dreaming. He is a very powerful symbol in Native American beliefs. As your Patronus, the bear will use all of his strength to defend you. Congratulations! That your Patronus is a bear says that you are a dreamer. You have a quiet inner strength that reveals itself when you need it most. You are also rather introspective. Try not to focus too much on how you are inside at the present moment, but on how to improve it, and you will be a great witch or wizard!1215 times, 4%

Your Patronus is the Cougar! The cougar is a symbol of power, swiftness and balance. He is one of the most beautiful creatures in North America and will protect you with his powerful claws. Congratulations! That your Patronus is a cougar says that you are a quick thinker who leads a very balanced life. This quick thinking and balance cause you to often be chosen as a leader. Be careful not to let that power go to your head and you will be an excellent witch or wizard!895 times, 3%

Your Patronus is the Coyote! The coyote is also known as the 1097 times, 4%

Your Patronus is the Deer or Stag! This was also the Patronus of the infamous Harry Potter. The stag is a symbol of speed, family and compassion. He will protect you with his great, strong antlers. That your Patronus is a stag says that you care a great deal about family. You have compassion on those who are weaker and are always willing to help out. Your devotion to your family is so strong, though, that it may cause you to act too hastily. Make sure to think before you act and you will be a fabulous witch or wizard!1997 times, 6%

Your Patronus is the Eagle! The eagle is a symbol of spirituality, courage and protection. He will protect you with his sharp talons. That your Patronus is an eagle says that you are very concerned with the spiritual things of life. You are also a brave person who would go out of your way to protect those you love. A small amount of fear is healthy, however; keep that in mind and you will be an amazing witch or wizard!1473 times, 5%

my stinkin petrounas

2007-09-30T05:45:00.000-07:00

Your Patronus is the Horse! The horse is a symbol of physical and spiritual power and is also a bearer of burdens. He is a powerful ally against your enemies. That your Patronus is a horse says that you are a strong person--strong enough to bear others' burdens when they become too much. Be careful to consider yourself and you will be a terrific witch or wizard.

untitle

2007-09-28T07:14:00.000-07:00

dont call me a bitch lasbian ,
when u hvn even see me?
what do you know about me?

you see me like seeing the mirror ,
cant you look at me a little close?
Im typing without lookin at the keyboard now
lookin at when I needed to .

are you simply blind or deaf?
how can you judge me ??
when youre mind is just a narrow road.
a place with walls build so closely .

I admit my faults ,
but , honey
wont you tell me the truth ,
you know you cant hide it anymore .

to a friend with nothing

2007-09-26T20:35:00.000-07:00

I sit here today , with my hair tied together ,
if I see you at dawn ,
what would I do ?

I keep my hopes ,
locked in a box , so I could use then another time ,
would u do the same??

pour me another cup of passion ,
hopefully , I will be as good as u
what I feel right now , you will never know

cat told me I see humans like nobody else ,
sometimes , my gift fail me ,
but time mends hurt .

I'll cherish you forvevrer my friend ,
if you would cherish me to ,
I dont exepct anything from you .

I just want you to life your life to the fullest ,
with no regrets or guilt ,
before death pays you a visit .

2007-09-26T20:07:00.000-07:00

nothing is wrong with me anymore . preety still , not shaky or anything . yesterday , which is a wednesday , I did oral test . I , my freakin name starts with a atupid letter 'A' . when you're name is like this . that means whatever u do , U have to do first . because you gotta follow alphabatical letters . damn humans that invent that thing . so , I didnt finish my freakin speech . and kazuki , my partner , finsh . I have to start first orally . no script , NOTHING . and I think I mange to cover the fact that I AM NERVOUS . yea , wj say my legs are shaky , my lips is oso shakin . but overall , ammar and my friends support me through it and it didnt went that bad . later, jie yinn tell me I gtg 2G and lend a freakin pail . and guess who is teachin in there?? MARIANI . shit . and so , I pulled up my sock and went inside . and the guess what marianni say ?? 'ada baldi ke?? tak ada lah . saya tak jumpa . ' My heart was like . fucker . no baldi . then I pull my sock for what?? wj say she follow me in oso nvr follow . *sob . then , when we reach class again . jie yinn say again , 'sry sry , not 2G is 1 G ' zha dao . so we went 1G and when i went in , i guess teacher touturing them . they all clapping say , 'come in ,come in ' I think if they can they put red carpet somemore . anD i LOOK around , where the hell is the freakin baldi?? 'under teacher table . ' 'huh??' 'under teachers table . ' wtf. put under teachers table for what?? zha dao . and then wj and I make a deal , she carry baldi down 2 fleet of stair and I 2 fleet of stair and the rest we do 2gether . so , imagine , two girls ss , holdin one freakin emty pail togther . @.@ and then when we go up , i end up takin 3 fleet of stairs and she took one oni . =.=' okayy , crazy day part 2. when we follow jie yi go see pn latifah , we went bilik guru . then cannot find . julian say 'scince lab lah !' and we met musawit . he was askin leslie to tuck in his shirt . and julian wan was no better . sianz . I have to walk faster cuz of my sock . haiz ... and the latifah say wrong person . should call ling li , the new girl . and we all rush up , and nages was inside . haiz , lazy do maths . so I stand outside and wj went in and call ling li . she say wan see hazipah wor . and we end up standin there . while hazipah was talkin to ling li , me and wj is checkin out the photos on the wall lk some freak . and then , ling li hv to copy thing . at first , she point 4 lines of words so I help her copy one line , wj copy 2 lines . then me and wj so happy , can go d . ^^ then ling li flip to the next page . wtf , 2 more pages ahh . I feel lk cryin down there . and then I say ' wei , ling li ahh . I think u betta ask hazipah properly lorh . ' good thing i smart . wei , I tell hor , I dunno wj can write so fast u know . she write one line as fast as i draw line leh . serous . and then when we reach there latifah just say a few word oni , zha dao . and wj say , 'teacher , u wan see guat ting anot?? ' and teacher laugh . crazy day . stupid day . ashley xoxo sighnin off .

the first anniversary

2007-09-24T07:35:00.000-07:00

sry guys , but I promise kishu Ill post mah . yesterday , was the day me and kishu 1st met and our 1st wedding day . tat was also the day I got banned forever . T.T . we didnt meet at a fantasy orbis or anythin . we met through pereon , wild boar land . the same place where I met another in a diff world . I was as usual , to greedy to share a map with anyone so , when kishu came in with rick , I didnt dare to say anything because they look obvously lk pro's . But , as selfish and as rushing to lvl as I was , i manage to open my 'golden' mouth and ask , 'can u pls cc pls . Im in a rush to lvl ' and out of the blues . he ask me to be his gf at maple story . I didnt say no . and I would be a fool if i did . he was the best a girl could ever have . the reason kishu asked was bcuz , he coulnt find a girl tat has cash and is determine to lvl and bold . tats what he told me when i asked him the day he proposed . anyway , yesterday , was our one year mark . a glorus day , and he did the best . he just told me through msn , 'get ur ass in maple at 12 tmr . our fave time . ;) ' and i hvn got an idea . all u did was follow instuctions . when he was planin , he already move my charac to pereon wild boar land . when I saw it , I was shocked! i could see all our buddies , and family with our guild . 'baby ilamas' . and I said , It wasnt my party!! 'kishu , mine is at 2nd nov . dun make me old okayy ?' and kishu did something better . 'lisis , u forget ahh , our anniversary lah . I tot if I forget u will kill me . sekali , now , u tell me u 4get . zha dao lah . ' and I realise , yea , he was correct . he gave me a kiss and rick summon crimson . lame . I know . but so far tats the only mons we can summon . so , we got sick and kishu said go orbis , more romantic wor . =.=' the baby ilmas , have always wantd to go in orbis pq as a guild , or as a party . but we are over lvled . =.=' . sad . so I did somethin good . HACK!! LVL ORBIS HACK!! aint I smart? yea . all of us overgrown ppl , went in . i took us 15 mins oni . =.=' papa died in 3 mins . =.=' no fun oso . :3 . and then we went fm . kishu did weather . 'happy aniversary , dear ' and rick did 'good luck wif stuckin wif my bro 4ever . girlie' and there was it . nth special but baby ilmas wanted to make a video about our frenship . the wedding we hv . last count 35 . >.< . all invited . I married 3 times . lolx . but , we did hv our thick and thin . my son & daughter married twice each oso . >.<

2007-09-20T05:34:00.000-07:00

I really dont know wat to think or feel . bcuz , things hvn been goin perfect lately . I look at my old life , and I look at now . I realize somethin , I'm not blaming my parents anymore for makin me leave 13 . I love 13 . I like 13 . But , after reading dareen shan and LOTS of influnce frm er . (swt ) I realize sumthin . maybe Im fated to meet the new friends of mine . er , wj , jie yi and yinn , elaine , jean , and kazuki . I mean i really wanna help kazuki , I just dont know how to . shes just spoilt and need a little help in realising her prob . damn , why all of them are so freakin happy?? it sometimes makes me realise that maybe I can be as happy as them to . I could give it a try . I could learn about smilin again and forget about the past . i let it all go edi , its just the thought that kept huntin me . I guess I finnaly realise sumthin new about life today , life its not just money and peing 'the' it one . its about meeting people and live a life that you wont regret . to learn from every mistake . to be tolerate with every body and forgive and forget . my frens at cfill , u might not realise , but ur helpin me everyday , and Im also exited to be helped by you'all every day . the naive and innocent jie yi . the bubbly , original er . the like to wack to ppl , pms everyday wj . (stop hittin me girl ) the smart , resposible jie yinn . the snow white elaine . blog queen , jean . and the girl I hope i could help , kazuki . love you'all and GOD BLEES YOU

she doesnt know how lucky she was

2007-09-19T06:31:00.000-07:00

there is a question going around my mind these time . did cs2 apprieciet our friendship lk I did?? bacouse , i hv this really good friend of mine . er . she actually do A blogskin for me . can u believe it?? I got the feeling she know how to sprriciat friends . =.=' . how many ppl can see that?? how many ppl cares ?? I wont doubt her . it was a mistakes . but when I look back to my life , i realise , friendship last longer than love , but it hurts more . with friendship , you can have as many friend as u want , but if you dont have any , ur a loser . I hv no idea why the world is so freakin cruel . why cant we live a great happy , painless life?? why cant ot just be peacefull ??owh yea , cuz it wont be fun d . fuckin world . PISS OFF!

2007-09-14T06:13:00.000-07:00

okayy , i didnt think that i could sink this low ?? i mean us?? we actually have to DOWNLOAD . high school musical , haiz , how low can we go ahh?? okayy , that is not that unlucky . today was preety simple , accept that kazuki went to skl today . happy she cam back to skl , and some random freak added me at msn . turns out he was my aquila guy , kishu . (sry call u freak . ) >.<>

lolx kishu:hey babe
ashley 101:huh
ashley101 :@.@
ashley 101:omg , hu are u ??
lolx kishu : erm , u dun know??
ashley 101 :am I??
lolx kishu:erm , yes??
ashley 101:sry lah , blur case
lolx kishu:=.=' see my name
ashley 101:erm...
lolx kishu:im kishu
ashley 101 :Im ashley , nice to meet you
lolx kishu : =.=' , wei , u really dun know me ahh
ashley 101 :yea
lolx kishu : u try and think , we met at maple wan
ashley 101 : which world??
lolx kishu : lemme help u
'rick rox have been added to the conversation....'
rick rocks:wtf , where is this place kishu??
ashley 101 :tokyo japan .
rick rocks : what?? I have no idea girlie
lolx kishu :im frm japan?
ashley 101 :@.@
rick rocks :yea right . kiss my ass
lolx kishu :ur ass aint that nice
rick rocks: it was smokin dude , better than smoked salmon
lolx kishu: Im not eating smoke salmon any more
rick rocks : whoo yea , my seat it smokin too
'after a few minutes of fight between rick and kishu (about ass then , smoked salmon , then his girlfriend , the hot teacher and a few random freaks I hv absolutely no idea )
kishu : look dude , wanna fight ??
rick : fine by me
kishu : aquila cc1
rick : which map
kishu : hmmm , dreamy??
rick : wei , not fair
kishu: what so not fair??
rick : u heal oni
kishu : u avenger oni
rick : but still! not fair
kishu : then where u wan go??
rick : lefre??
kishu : not fair leh
rick : u can shower lah
kishu: still not fair
ashley 101: what are u talkin about??
kishu : im lord kishu
kishu: the dude u married 3 times in maple
ashley 101 : omfg , no wonder u sound so fimiliar
rick : lisis , can bomb wif me??
kishu : she is my babe , she bomb wif me lah
ashley 101: since when i say i bombing
kishu : i giv u meso , u bomb wif me
'no reply'
kishu : and a couple of thing lah
ashley 101 : ahhh , u know what I wan ahh
rick: =.='
kishu : yea , can anot??
ashley 101 : cya all in maple . gratz in losing rick
rick : I hate this , why cant u be my dear ahh??
ashley 101 : cuz u suck

'the end'

2007-09-11T06:04:00.000-07:00

okayy , lady and gems , I got a very good news for all my fellow scorpio ladys and guys . I have a really good news to tell u about our sign . okayy , today , kazuki bought this book through school mail thing . its call 'five thing to know about ...okay , I dunno what the full tittle is . =.=' okayy , but LETS forget about my dumbness and continue what tha freakin book say about our sign .

characteristic .
-sensitive , emo disorder
-has a great ability to see , feel , and look to the beyond of human feelings and see their plans .
-mysterous , lks privacy
-daring , like taking a risk
-loyal to friends and loved ones
-have a sharp mind

element.
-water

likely occupation.
-pycologist
-pycitrist
-detective
-soldier
-fireman
-will exel in medical field

negative point.
-I sort of forget
-will be a danger to ppl

the main thing.
-go well wif taurus , aquarius but will be hard to get along
-soul mate , saggitarous or gemini
-best bff , anyone on earth ! >.<

the sin I would never forgive myself

2007-09-09T07:04:00.000-07:00

Calling all shards we got another victim
Coz my love has become an affliction
What did you expect of me..
what did you expect of me??
I'm sorry but i think i failed to mention
That I lied at my very first confession
What did you expect from me??
Coz this has been building since i have been breathing and i know how it's gonna end
So will you scatter my letters where they won't be found,
i gave my word and i swore that i won't let you down..but you knew all along
Just try to forget me and just move on.
Oh my dear
what have i gone and done now
A curtain call i'm about to take my last bow
What did you expect of me
Without giving away the entire ending
I ruined the evening again
So will you scatter my ashes where they won't be found?
I kept my word when I swore that I would let you down (And now that I'm gone)
Try to forget me and just move on
I am not the one that you should blame
So take what I left you for the pain
And do your best to forget my name

seven law . ^^

2007-09-07T09:28:00.000-07:00

Seven things to be done before death .
1. write a really good poem .
2.save ppl like me from that dark pit I feel into .
3.see my dreams and goals
4.write a book that really reflects my life
5.get to know my love
6.get my over family's grudges
7.live a life of peace

7 things I will not even do even if its kills me
1.get into the wrong side of the world
2.betray my beliefs
3.murder
4.drugs
5.ruin a person's life
6.betray those ppl that are close to me
7.pern , rebond , straightes or colour my hair .

7 things I do when Im away from the public
1.cry my heart out
2.look blankly at the mirror
3.drink booze
4.sing out loud
5.scream everything out from my heart
6.do funky moves
7.excesise

7 fave sentence or word
1.hahahahahahahahaha
2.fuck you
3.swt
4.okayyyyyy
5.huh
6.wait ahhh
7.nkp (classic)

7 fave song from all times
1.move along -all american rejects
2.Iris-goo goo dolls
3.bolervard of broken dreams-green day
4.put the blame on me-akon
5.bleed like me-garbage
6.hate me-blue octorber
7.jenny-click five

7 things I'd wish U didnt do if you did
1.fail to see the pain you've cause when you threw me aside
2.breakin me down to pieces that made the person I am today
3.lookin at me as if I were dumb
4.betraying me
5. hurt my loved ones
6.stealing from me
7.lookin down on me

7 ppl to be tagged

1.rachel choi
2.jonathan choi
3.my parents
4.catherine yap
5.chen shin
6.jye er
7.HIM

I look at u with disgust .

2007-09-07T09:17:00.000-07:00

I saw u sitting there withe the disgusting innocent look
How mush strentgh it took for me to pull myself down
how I dread , to punch him at his face ,
All these evil revengefull thoughts float into my mind .

I look at you with disgusted face ,
what a thief you've become ,
how low , you have to sink to get a thing as comman as money ,
how desprate you've become that made you steal from your own sister .

Now , below the heavens ,
I spat these word at u ,
disgusted with your every move ,
disgusted with every word your cursed tough speak

2007-09-06T22:03:00.001-07:00

101 SUMONE

2007-09-06T22:01:00.000-07:00

okayy , those post today are all from my xanga . www.xanga.com/fr33lence I ;ove my xanga and now , Im waiting for jean to change my lousy skin . No offemce there . XP .

My march fantesy

2007-09-06T21:59:00.000-07:00

I was dreaming I was an big shot journalist . then , fall out boys came to MALAYSIA . I was going to interview the fall out boye !!!!! ( wait.... this is not fun ! ok . well , I was so goood at work that I'm popurlar internationally that I didn't know who the hell fall out boys is . ) Well , pete wentz bladder is kinna BIG ( the news says so , he went toilet for like 4 times in an HOUR ) the toilet happens to be at ground floor , me and my photogragher went to the hotel to have an EXCLUSIVE interview with fall out boys . my photograher went to park the car and I told him I'll be at the lunch room waiting for him . I went in the carpark lift alone . When It reach the ground floor , pete wentz took the lift with me (*drools) I politely smiled in my red mini dress , vera wangs jacket and jeans with my gourgeos jimmy choo stillos (note:these things don't belong to me , it belongs to my fantasy & I'm looking georgeos ) he gave a wow look . 'soooo , what are you doing here ?' he tried to make a small talk 'ohh , I've got work here . ' I said politely back . he tried to say somthing but nothing came out of his mind . then , when we got into 5th floor the lift broke down . I nearly fell , but pete caught me just in time . 'thenks ' I gasp . His arms is strong & perfect . haha . 'ohh , well . looks like we're gonna get stuck here for quite sometime . well , at least until heip comes . 'he tried to hide his grinn and manage a casual smile . I calm down as usual , keeping my cool . I lookes around . thinking , I can't miss my interview . Its exclusive . I need to be the lunch room right now !!! I turned to him and look serously . ' I need ti get out off here as soon as possible . I got an exclusive . I'll pay you anything to help me get out off here ' he stared then he finnally grin .'OK , I don't need your money . I just want you to do something for me . When I ask you , your answer must be a yes . thats all . do we have a deal ? ' I look at him curously . well , I dont have to time to think . (like I want to think . it's my fantasy ) I simply agreed . 'there is a squre there right ? well , all we have to do is reach it push it up and we're done . we're just a few cetremeters away from the nxt floor . c'mon , hold me up . ' I looked at him as if hes out of his mind . he's like damn heavy . he seems like he could read my mind . 'Ok , mebbe you can't carry me up . You go up then . Come on ! ' I took out my stillos and my jacket . thew them down on the floor . ( Poor babies . its to make me look cooler ) climbed his hands , he took me up like a bench . (*squel) i pushed it all up when the lift starts moving & i ended up leaning on top of him he was leaning to kiss me when I pull my self into kneeling position . the doors open . People are staring at us & the parents went like 'heys , kids . close your eyes ' we quickly stamble up . I tottaly forgot about my stills and jacket . took up my briefcase and speed of bare foot . pete didn't follow . then , on the lunch room which I was late . I found out 1 of the band members was late too . then 5 minutes later , when patrick was giving me an intro about the band , pete showed out with my jacket and stillos . I was so shocked & speechless . I stood up my chair . 'PETE . YOU FINNALY CAME ! ' andy shouted . 'what are you doing holding a woman jacket & shoes ? ' 'OH , it's mine . hi , I guess we meet again . thanks again . ' i took his hands after wearing back my stuff . the boys , with my phograher looked at us we explained & pete remind me of the deal (opps) I gave him my bissnus card and he gave me him number . and we got on the exclisive . his something was a date with me . and we kissed at the end

My brother and his guts .

2007-09-06T21:58:00.002-07:00

one word . fuck . fuck my damned brother . he's such a baby . I got an awfull feeling that my brother's two feet is so damn useless . I mean . when he got into trouble he wats to blame ppl so he can save his own skin . I mean , when he grows up and decide to be a mastermind . and he does not even have the brain to be alert and save himself . imagine it , his smaller sister can own up for her own thing & save her own skin while her coward brother can't . Imagine how ashamed I wasn . lk a few days . my brother caught playing maple . my dad didnt know actually . he was yelling to ask my bro to go take a bath . this is the most obvouse sign for him to shut the damn thing and follow orders . but no ! he can't stop his addiction . he HAVE to play the stupid game . and u pulled my down the river with him . at last , I got fuckin wacked. I mean then i criend . not because my arm hurt . but because my brother is a coward . I mean hes cold hearted . he don't care what people feels . he just want to get what he wants . he a freaking liar . don't he feel guilty pulling ppl with him because he is dumb?? his skin must be darn thick . fuckin b

2007-09-06T21:58:00.001-07:00

ｻﾎﾉ｢ﾄﾙｵ｢,
ｻﾎﾉ｢ﾄﾙｵ｢
sry about the writing . its I wanna be by yourside or i want u to be by my side

those unspoken words between us

2007-09-06T21:57:00.001-07:00

met kishu at Febuary through my cousin abandon maple bandit , lisis . I was a noob but the hard core training blood of maple always ran through my vein as my brother wan a 13+ dragon knight there with on off gf that loves flocking him . ( no comment there) . I met a group of people most from my old school , all determine to hard core! Kishu however wasnt my cousin charac original maple bf . (Her real one was a jerk which I help her dump 1 days later ) the gang of friends was very loyal , funny and tops of that original . Althought like all Aquilla citizens , we hard core through our ways and by the time chinese new year holidays were over , I was already a 102 chief dit... . Kishu got upgraded to a 105 priest . I hate it but somehow aquila guys always take over hard cores girls like me . But all the fights we always had , something is forever sure , we were attarcted to each other . I dunno if I were dumb or not but whatever lovers we had at maple never stick . But another way round , our freinds and maple family got real suspisions. We rather have our pride than love . We were fools it was until few weeks later on vatentine day , I log in maple for our guild celabration for valentine day which I wan abselutely determine not to go because I haven't get a boyfriend to go with me . But my brother always fear valentine day in reality or maple . He has hes obvios reason . (His many many lovers ...) But he was beside me when the event took its place . The moment I never though could happen . I wished and hope every time I met him ,I hoped we would treat my gently with kindness like he did with all his gilfriends but kishu surprise me like always . Instead of following traditions like dating then getting married , he took a step forward and bend down whole ( u cant go down on bended knee b'cuz the charac dun even have knees . ) and ask if I would be his wife . The whole guild and our freinds were stunned so do I . I froze on my chair unable to move as if its my first time on zakum . It looked like hours for me then finnaly , kishu said 'are u gonna keep me on the ground forever or am I taking a bride home?? ' My brother flew to my rescue and type ' jon here , My sis froze in her seat and shes nodding now so I guess that means 'yes' . gratz u lucky bastard !' A week later of preparation and fights on what colour the weather is suppose to be and what dress should I wear , Kishu kept saying blind click a wheather and go naked on our wedding b'cuz he love in whatever i wore expacially when Im naked . (no comment there) But we finnaly tied the knot and baby ilmas came to the world , an exclusive guild for all of our wonderfull friends ...THE END

What can I offer you today .

2007-09-06T21:56:00.000-07:00

As I lay flat on my back ,
I look up to the heavens ,
'Lord , what was your plan for me today?'
I look to the wealth , to the famous , to the lucky ,
They have a better life than me .
I know I am lucky ,
to have a good lord like you ,
But I am still a human , incomplete,
full of greed , jelousy , ungratefull ,
SO dirty and unworthy !
As I lay my dirty hands to you ,
take all my treasures ,
gold , diomand , ruby
take all my heart ,
thrust , faith , loyalty
these are what my soul can offer .
I offer today ,
with all my faith and soul ,
to the world , to my god !
take what u can , never give me back!

A little something from me .

2007-09-06T21:54:00.000-07:00

When I see you today , hopefully tomorrow ,
I look into your eyes maybe there is still some place for me ,
the thong in your fingers tells me your taken again ,
I wonder how the new chick look like ,
your heart tells me you dont love her .
I 'm not gonna tell you this ,
I'm not gonna try ,
Ive said this a million times even before our break up ,
follow your heart my friend .
I dont want you back you good for nothin jerk ,
I thought about it ,
she deserves a man like you ,
I gave my everything bcuz I was dumb and stupid ,
take this my friend ,
take your love from my heart ,
Il leave with a girl or maybe another buy .

2007-09-05T06:37:00.000-07:00

today was real funny. I mean , elaine bought comics and today got ppl say got spot check . so , she freak out and we decided to hide at at blok D , the emty form six class rooms there . all of them were lock , but lucky I found one emty one . hah! i so smart . But , Pn loh was outside talkin to a guy lahz . So , dunno whether kenna seen anot . then I thought I wan clean , so when WJ check my pencil box tat time , she found markers . At first I wanted to hide at my bra , but , the form six classrooms sound more logic . so , I had to bend down , and ran like a duck . then , when I come back , elaine say the door nvr close , so I ran again like a duck ......Then , when I come back WJ say no sport check d . I wanted to scream , cuz I ran like a duck and my back hurts and I so freakin tired. So elaine went and take wif WJ . they actually crawl like babies . then I was watching at the door . and suddenly , WJ eyes poop out . soo cute!>.< . then , WJ came back wif the comic and I was wondering why elaine is soo long , so I crawl after her . then , elaine say behind like got ppl . and I look up . OMFG! PN LAU! DICIPLINE GURU! the look at ur with raised eye browned and shook her head . so , elaine say she lost her earing . smart girl . then , got ppl say got spot check again and its next class. so I have to run again like a duck . And then , later , after maths . I went like a duck again to take the book back cuz no more spot check . haizzzzzzz........ jye er say when I run tat time , she say my big head bouncing . lolx ..